last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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