Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize