weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
