he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
