so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
