we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
