If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
