i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
