My nipple is on Facebook.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How does one acquire holy water?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
