proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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