I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
