rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it's great music for shaving your balls
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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