She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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