We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
