I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
