I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
