drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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