I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
