I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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