I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.