he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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