I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything