she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
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Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.