she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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