There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
