That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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