We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
