Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
