You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
