I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
there is glitter all over my balls
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