I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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