it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
