My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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