It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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