I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
