The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
