remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
