i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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