she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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