Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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