I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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