what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
