Betty ford says i'm here all night
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
