...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
