I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
