Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
