i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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