Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
