my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ambien. No doubt about it.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
