it hurts more in the daytime
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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