I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
