I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i dont even know how to be here
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
