Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
