I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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