Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I will pee on everything he values.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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