I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
