remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
