I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
