I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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