are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
