they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
