i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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