Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
