The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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