Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
there is glitter all over my balls
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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