If i could tip my vagina, i would.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
