If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
