A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
