This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
