God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
