He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize
