He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
