Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
