Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
