Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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