i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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