You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
