Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
