If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
