She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
