Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My cat gives me a boner
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
