i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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