your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
