he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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